MOVIES OF THE MONTH

I recommend three Red Box specials this month:

1. "Shotcaller" story of a man, who makes a drastic mistake and has to endure the harshness of prison
      Starring-Nikolaj Coster

2.  "Brawl in Cell Block 99" story of a man forced to commit acts of violence.
      Starring-Vince Vaughn

3.  "Baby Driver" story of a getaway driver of several robberies.
      Starring-Ansol Elgort

STRENGTH OF A PEANUT

It’s was 1982 and I’m stationed at 29 Palms, California.  Just got out of Grunt training and been transferred to Communication school where I was going to be trained basically to be a frickin operator only difference it was supposed to be some top secret bullshit all I needed was to wear a dress and I be set.  Anyway, I discovered that we had a cornfed bully in our barracks, who wanted to be discharged from the military by starting fights with practically anybody and today he decided to pick on me!  Well...that wasn’t going to happen, so I stood up to face him and even though he was a little taller than me I wasn’t taking any of his crap and he backed down after seeing my defensive posture...the chicken-shit.  

I was all fired up from the ordeal so I took a walk with one of my partners and headed to our local bar to cool off during this time, I was eating a bag of hot peanuts and telling him my story with the cornfed bully when these two grunts came walking by on the other side of divider that was covered up by some large bushes and talking loudly.  I got so agitated by their big mouths that I yelled for them to shit-up and threw a single peanut to ward off my aggravation thinking that the peanut would bounce off one of the bushes, but as luck would have it, the damm peanut miraculously flew across the bushes, across the divider and struck one of the grunts right in the face.  He hollers something at me and came across the divider (bushes and all) followed by his buddy, Andre The Giant, and confronted me, “Did you just through a peanut at me?”  

I had the bag of peanuts in my hand, but I still had the nerve to say “No” so of course the grunt knew I was lying and just for info these grunts get pretty damm rowdy when they return to base after humping some mountains for a few months ( I should know I was a grunt for two years) and he was about to distill his hostilities on me because of a stupid peanut!  He tells me some shit and made a few threats and, of course, I returned the favor because everybody in my frickin barrack were watching us then the dude points toward a small ditch and said, “Lets go down there and settle this!” I’ started to walk down the ditch, but I noticed Andre The Giant was coming along with us and they both were carrying hunting knives in their utility belts so I decided to fight the son-of-bitch where we stood, “Naww, l ain’t going down there!” I said.

Suddenly the asshole said “ Lets do it then” and pushes me in the chest, but he noticed I didn’t budged a inch,which looked like it kind of spooked him a little because he had a drastic turn of attitude and started apologizing, “We just came back from an exercise and we’re still wand up.”  He then stuck his hand out and we shook hands, “Sorry about the hassle, some smart-ass  threw a peanut at me and that’s all I needed to get crazy...you take care Marine.  (He told me this when I was still holding the damm bag of peanuts in my hand!)  

The moral of the story is “Be careful what you throw at someone no matter how small the object is especially if it’s a damm peanut!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

A TOUCH OF KINDNESS

It was late Sunday morning when the family gathered in the living room of their overcrowded apartment and watched as 2-year old, Lea, and 3-year old, Mia, played with their brand new Barbie doll toy house.  We shall call the mother of the 2-year old...uhh...Rosa and the mother of the 3-year old...uhh...Haley and they are joined by the Grandparents...uhh...let’s see...we’ll go with Cruz and Oli.  Rosa was the first to speak out, “What are we going to do for Lea’s birthday?”  Grandpa Cruz suggested “Let’s take them to Storyland...that should be fun.” Then Haley started to complain, “Storyland’s boring...we should go to the beach instead!”  Grandma Oli joined in on the conversation, “This is for the children not adults.” “Well...I want this to be a special day for Lea’s birthday.” said Rosa “Since you and Haley are leaving to New Mexico...Mom...I want you and Cruzy to at least spend sometime with Lea before you leave.” Haley added, “There’s nothing to do in Storyland...it’s just a boring park.”  “No not really.” said Grandpa Cruz  “They have a bunch of kiddie rides, they even have train rides!”  

And so the argument continued on where the family should go for Lea’s birthday, which got so clustered that the entire living room sounded like a bunch of clucking chickens.  Then suddenly the 2-year old started to scream from the top of her lungs because her 3-year old cousin had ripped away a Barbie doll from her hand, regardless, that there was about a half-dozen other Barbie dolls to choose from that were piled up next to the three-story Barbie mansion.  “Mia...give the doll back to Lea!” said her mother, Haley, “She had it first...go get another one!” After some severe persuasion, Mia reluctantly gave the Barbie doll back to Lea, who accepted it with a great joyful laugh, but then she saw the tears building up in her cousin’s eyes and said, “Here”  and the two-year old handed the doll back to the 3-year old and then said, “Because you are my sister!”  

“Did she just said what I think she said?” asked her mother, Rosa.   “She sure did!” said Grandpa Cruz.  Suddenly, the entire living room became completely quiet, most likely, because a small 2-year old infant had just showed a group of disagreeing adults an act of compassion and a touch of human kindness that is very rare or seldom carried out in today’s society.  About fifteen minutes passed before everyone got over their guilty feeling of performing a feat of a very foolish and very unnecessary selfish act and Grandpa Cruz finally said, “So Stortyland then?” And instantly everyone spoke at the same time, “YES!”

WRONG END

Man...just to let you know what type of day I was having, I was taking a shower and thought of trying one of my wife's many brands of shampoos, which now come in various shapes and designs, so I grabbed one of them and tried it, but for some reason I couldn't get it to open.  I tugged a little harder even used my teeth, but still the lid wouldn't budged.  "What the hell....man...what good is it to have a  fancy bottle if you can't even use it!" I started to bang the lid on the faucet, the shower head, the wall...and believe or not...even the bathroom sink, but yet no go!  Then I closely examined the shampoo bottle and guess what?  I HAD THE DAMM THING UPSIDE DOWN!  Oh God...I'm getting too old for this shit.  I was so pissed at myself, I didn't bother shampooing my hair...eh...what's left of it.

LAST TESTIMONY

At the front entrance of the golden gates of heaven stood three eager men waiting to enjoy the richness of the promised paradise.  

God turned to U.S President Abraham Lincoln and asked, "What have you done for your fellow man?" Abraham humbling replied, "I paved the road to end slavery!" The Good Lord said, "Unfortunately, Mankind manipulated your un-selfished ideas to the American Civil War, which ended over 750,000 human lives!"

God turned to Physicist Albert Einstein and asked, "What have you done for your fellow man?"  Albert humbling replied, "I developed the theory of relativity!"  The Good Lord said, "Unfortunately, Mankind manipulated your genius talents to facilitate the development of the Atomic Bomb, which ended over 120,000 human lives!"

God turned to Comedian Jerry Lewis and asked, "What have you done for your fellow man?"  Jerry crossed his eyes and replied in a high squeaky voice, "I made people laughed!"  The Good Lord said with a big smile on his face, "The greatest gift ever given to Mankind!"

Rest In Peace...Jerry! 1926-2017

ANOTHER PASSING

My beloved Aunt, Rosa Balderas, died on Sunday, July 30 while sleeping in her bed, which is the style that I would choose for my last day on this planet...whenever that is.  She lived a full life at age 77, but she kind of went into seclusion after my cousin, Peter, passed away from Hodgkin’s disease.  In the early years, my Aunt was full of life and enjoyed helping my Uncle, Efrain, support their family of three daughters and two sons.  My father, Cruz Sr. and Efrain were brothers and we were a very tight-knit family, in fact, we all lived on the same street along with my Grandmother, Demetria, who treated us with authenticated Mexico/NuevoLeon-style home cooked meals toppled with salsaita de mero chingun  for flavoring.  I recalled during my adolescent years, which according to my wife, I’m still living it, how my Aunt and Uncle would staged plays of a quarreled, but yet silly couple just to get a laugh out of me every-time I visited, which was practically a everyday occurrence and they were pretty good at it too.  My Aunt would act as the aggressor waving a fist with her hands and say things like, “Now listen...viejo...I told you to make me some comida and it better be good or else you are going to get it mister..you hear me!” and my Uncle would played it off and pretend to act defenseless and say, “Ok...ok...geeez” and then we would all laughed it off.  Almost on every weekend our families would get together and celebrate something or another...you know...like other typical Mexican families do, but these were special times because they were ours as we once were...in fact, I still have the photos of a small party that my Aunt threw for me when I was leaving to the Marines...I really missed those days!   Unfortunately, my Grandmother, my Father and my Uncle are long gone and now my Aunt Rosa, who have never been the same person after the death of her son in 1992, which saddens me because she was always full of warm sunshine and fun every time I entered their home as they would stage out another act or play once I was inside. 

I’ll be missing you, Tia, and I am so sorry that I had not visit you before you went to the other side, but these days it has been very difficult for me to get around lately.  I love you and please say hello to my Father, Tio, Abuelita, Peter and Melissa and tell them that I miss them and love them greatly.  Good-bye Tia...I’ll never forget you and I love you..from your nephew, Cruzito. 

New Driving Requirement For DMV Driving Test

The Department Of Motor Vehicles announced today of a mandated driving requirement that will be included in the (FFDL-22) driving test by the year 2019.  The Off-Road Homo-Sapien Collision maneuver will be added along with the routine left and right turns, safe lane changes and straight-line backing.  The driver will be tested how accurate he/she can drive off the road and run over pedestrians!