A FRUSTRATED MUTT

A young animal lover picks up a stray dog on his way home from work. After being fed and bathe, the stray canine curls up by his new master’s feet, who was sitting on the living room couch. The young man reaches down and scratches him on the back of his head, “Do you want to meet your roommate, Sylvester, my cat?” said the young Lad. The dog snarled in anger, jumped on the couch and grabbed the owner by the collar of his shirt.

“Now listen here,” said the Mutt “I’m only going to repeat this once.
I am just...a DOG...ok..plain and simple.
What pedigree am I...are you kidding?
I never knew my Father...my Mother...huh..she was the main reason why humans refer to female canines as bitches!
I have brothers and sisters of every breed, color and origin.
Man!....I don’t even have a name!
I’ve humped everything from a worn out rubber tire to a empty bottle of Mrs. Butterworth.
I’ve spawned hundreds of pups, who I’ll never claim or support...hell...with my looks I was lucky to get the piece of ass!
My nose is so trashed from sniffing human butts, now everything smells like farts to me.
Like I said...I’m just...a dumbass old DOG...ok...nothin else!
I’ve eaten everything from dried up snot to shit-stained boxer shorts...you don’t even want to know where I’ve drank water from.
My body is so full of fungus even ringworms are afraid to invade my body.
I will not fetch your damm slippers...I will not bring your morning paper...I will not play with your spoiled rotten kids and forget about buddying up with the frickin cat...hell...he’ll be too busy getting the blame for all the crap I’ll be leaving on your living room carpet!
Protect your house you say!...yeah right...like that’s going to happen. Shit...for the right price..I’ll even provide the crook with the combination to your gun safe.
Like I said...I’m just a dirty, filthy, smelly, grimy, nasty, perverted old DOG! That’s it!...ok!...got it!...get it!...GOOD!
Well...now that we cleared that up...why don’t you get your fat ass over to the fridge and fetch me a brewski...asshole...the game is about to start and I got ten bucks riding on the Raiders!